Another Try

Let me try this again. 

I dont know where to begin.  I"m at work.  I dont want to be. Its the perfect 70 degree day in fall and everything in me tells me I should be riding my horse and baking and Apple Pie.  Instead I am here and trying to be grateful. 
For now, I have a job I mus
t do.  I backed myself into a financial corner and cant get out.  Not yet anyway.
I feel a part of myself sabatoging myself by being negligent at work. Its almost like I'm trying to force myself out of this job rather than work myself out of it.   I dont want to loose my job, my security, my home.. etc.  In order to have those things I need a plan.  I have spent way to much time dreaming about the Farm Girl life and looking at recipes, projects, and gardens.  I daydream about backyard chickens. 

None of these things is going to happen without a plan.  I am taking the Finacial Peace University Course through work.  The problem is I hate looking at money.  I really do.  I dont like money.  Even when I have had extra money, I did not spend it enjoying life. 

My plan now is to use every dollar I can towards simplifying my life.  That means saving and getting rid of the burden of debt.  As long as I have debt I'll be in this seat on beautiful Fall days.  Something needs to change no matter how long it takes. 

Oh.. and by the way.. the wedding was great but I did nothing I dreamed about during my Stay-cation.  Maybe next year.